It was a dark and stormy night when the Assignment Editor here at Sound Vapors knocked on the office door wearing a fedora and smoking a cigar. He said, “look kid, we want you to start looking back at old award shows, be like Sam Beckett in Quantum Leap and put right what once went wrong”. I said, “you got it, Chief!” and leapt at the opportunity to correct the wrongs of the past. Immediately, I began my due diligence and started researching all of the old award shows. Not only rewatching all of the award shows, but also rewatching all of the source material which were nominated for those awards. In front of a TV for hours on end, taking copious amounts of notes. Analyzing the themes and trends of pop culture history. Finally reaching a conclusion as to the proper award winner and then hammering out those Hindsight Award articles. Either all of that is true or perhaps I simply took a cursory glance at Wikipedia and relied on my memory of pop culture to decide what should and should not have won.
After tirelessly rewatching all the award shows, I felt qualified to now take a critical look back at the hosts of these award shows. I had rewatched all of their jokes and monologues, and came up with a point system to properly rank them all. Once again, either that is true, or I glanced at a Wikipedia list of Academy Awards hosts, decided to write this article on a whim, and am relying on my memory to rank these Masters of Ceremony.
Truthfully though, I have watched many Academy Awards through the years, and the host is an important thing. It can make a boring evening fly by, or grind it to a snail’s pace filled with unfunny jokes and awkward moments. I chose 1990 as the starting year for this look back, as that was about the time in which I started watching the Oscars fairly routinely. Also, that was the time Billy Crystal would host the first ceremony of the million in a row he ended up hosting. And so, without further ado, from worst to first, here we go!
- James Franco and Anne Hathaway (2011) – I honestly feel kind of bad to include Anne Hathaway in last place. This debacle of a hosting gig was not her fault. She tried her best and was not terrible. James Franco on the other hand, there are not enough adjectives to describe what a shit show he was as host. He seems like a good actor. Maybe a quirky guy in real life, but he genuinely seems like a decent fellow. But a good host he is not. My initial reaction watching the show back then was that perhaps he was performing an Andy Kaufman style, guerilla comedy sort of thing. Like it was a meta-joke in which he was purposely being terrible just to get a reaction out of the audience. Then it dawned on me that he was just that bad. For real. Really bad. And maybe drunk or high. Or drunk and high.
- Ellen DeGeneres (2007, 2014) – I’ve never found Ellen to be terribly funny. I know many people find her to be quite funny, my mom rather enjoys her daytime talk show. She kept the award show moving along, it was okay. Her comedy is just not my cup of tea, that’s all. People to this day will still talk about how she took a selfie on the show, and how she had pizza delivered to the show. Sorry, not funny to me. That stupid selfie is the reason she is ranked where she is. Lazy comedy, in my opinion. If you like it, That’s fine. I’m glad you liked it. To each their own, no hard feelings. But this is subjective, and I am writing the article, not you. So she subjectively is next-to-last.
- Whoopi Goldberg (1994, 1996, 1999, 2002) – I really enjoyed Whoopi in the movie Jumping Jack Flash. Also, in Sister Act. As a stand-up comic, she’s fine. As host, she was fine. I don’t remember loving her as host. But I don’t remember hating her as host. She hosted four times, and I remember very little about it, which makes me think she must not have been that great. I do remember she took time to honor Gene Siskel after he passed away, even though he was not part of the Academy and technically should not have been posthumously remembered during the broadcast. I always thought that was rather classy.
- David Letterman (1995) – Admittedly, Dave was bad. He probably should be ranked worse than Ellen or Whoopi. I was excited for him to host back then, and it ended up being so disappointing. I felt let down when he did so badly. This was rather soon after he left had NBC for CBS, and he was king of the late night ratings at that point. He was crushing it on CBS, and this hosting gig felt like it was his crowning achievement. Johnny Carson had hosted the Oscars five times, and here comes Dave as the heir apparent, even if Jay Leno got the Tonight Show. But Dave’s sense of humor just did not click with the Hollywood crowd. Dave works best as an almost anti-host, back in New York on late night TV. A grittier, darker sense of humor. It did not translate well in sunny LA and Hollywood. I rank him this high just because I loved him growing up back then. The coattails of my memories rank him maybe higher than he really deserves to be.
- Jimmy Kimmel (2017, 2018) – Jimmy was better at this than I expected him to be. He sometimes can sort of be the classless guy on late night TV. (Hey parents, lie to your kids and tell them you ate all their Halloween candy. Record it and send us the videos. Destroying their trust in the parental bond makes for hilarious comedy.) But he almost seemed classed up when hosting the Oscars. He was mildly funny, mildly smarmy, and tolerably enjoyable to watch. Of course the ratings decreased so much under his tutelage, that the Oscars decided going hostless was better than another year of Kimmel. If that is not an anti-endorsement, I don’t know what is. But he was funny, the show was decent. All in all, not bad.
- Neil Patrick Harris (2015) – Neil Patrick Harris is so good at hosting the Tony’s, that he seems to be the perfect choice to host any and all awards shows. He wasn’t bad, he was perfectly fine, but somehow it was perfectly forgettable. I don’t remember much at all about his hosting gig. Thus, this seems like as good a place as any to rank him.
- Chris Rock (2005, 2016) – Chris Rock is so good at hosting the MTV Video Music Awards, that he seems to be the perfect choice to host any and all awards shows. He wasn’t bad, he was perfectly fine, but somehow it was perfectly forgettable. I don’t remember much at all about his hosting gig. Thus, this seems like as good a place as any to rank him.
- Hugh Jackman (2009) – Stop me if you have heard this one before. Hugh Jackman is so good at hosting the Tony’s, that he seems to be the perfect choice to host any and all awards shows. He wasn’t bad, he was perfectly fine, but somehow it was perfectly forgettable. I don’t remember much at all about his hosting gig. Thus, this seems like as good a place as any to rank him.
- Jon Stewart (2006, 2008) – I was not sure what to expect when Stewart hosted at the height of his The Daily Show prowess. Would the Oscars take a decidedly political bent? No, he was really hitting his comedy marks, sticking with film-focused comedy, and moving the show along. He was excellent. I would like to see him return as host.
- Billy Crystal (1990, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1997, 1998, 2000, 2004, 2012) – Billy is a funny host. A very quick wit reacting to things as the show goes along. He also likes doing big and comical musical numbers. Which is both a blessing and a curse. They are funny, but they make the show go way too long. That is a demerit I hold against him. This show needs to wrap up before midnight on the east coast (Sound Vapors Time). That is a goal which is always in jeopardy when Billy is hosting. But otherwise, he hits all the right notes as a host.
- Hostless (2019, 2020) – Not having a host is actually a pretty good thing. The night moves by quickly without a host. They just keep on keeping on, going on to the next award. Plus there still is comedy throughout the night. Inevitably, Steve Martin, Tina Fey, or Amy Poehler, etc. will present an award at some point throughout the night, providing a fix for anyone craving some yuks. So the feel of the broadcast, the balance of awards and comedy, isn’t all that different than a hosted show.
- Steve Martin (2001, 2003), Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin (2010) – Steve Martin is a comedy genius and I would watch him host anything. He’s awesome, whether flying solo or with Alec Baldwin as his side kick. I wish they would invite Steve back to host every year or two for as long as he is willing to do it.
- Seth MacFarlane (2013) – I never realized how unfunny many of the previous hosts were until Seth MacFarlane hosted and blew the roof off of the joint. Here was a man that had never hosted anything other than one episode of Saturday Night Live. But as soon as he walked out the viewer could tell he was in charge, the alpha male, and all of the actors were cowering hoping they would not be roasted. Sort of like when Ricky Gervais hosts the Golden Globes, but without Ricky’s full-blown snarkiness. Seth had more of a twinkle in his eye while he roasted. Still the comedy felt almost dangerous at times, and sometimes randomly hilarious (the Christopher Plummer Sound of Music bit was genius). The best I have ever seen at the helm of the mighty ship Oscar.
As a quick note to end with, here are a few names I would love to see host in the future. Seth or Steve returning to host would be phenomenal. I would love to see Jay Leno get a chance to host once. It’ll never happen, but Norm MacDonald could be great. Who do you think? Tweet me and let me know. Until next time, dear readers, let the hindsight continue.
– MTR
You can follow MTR on Twitter and let him know what you think.